The Trials of Studying2

It's eleven o'clock at night, and you've been studying in your dorm room for five hours now. You have an exam tomorrow at 7am and it's worth a big percentage of your grade. ''You need to pass.'' After reading the same line in your textbook multiple times, you think to yourself: //I deserve a break.// How will you spend it? [[Order a pizza.]] [[Play a game on your phone.]]

Your stomach pangs when you realize you haven't eaten since early this morning. The stress of passing this class has killed your appetite: you've only been eating when the pain from your stomach is worse than the migraine that's been building. Well, might as well order something. You dial the number to Pizza Hut and wait as the phone rings. What pizza will you order? [[Vegetarian]] [[Pepperoni]]

Playing a game for a while won't hurt. Too bad you don't have any on your phone. After browsing the app store a bit, you download a game. Which game? [[Tetris.]] [[Among Us.]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

You decide to order a vegetarian pizza and place the order. After, you continue to study for half an hour before waiting for the pizza guy outside. Grabbing the pizza out of the delivery boy's hands, you thank him. Do you tip him? [[Yes!]] [[No...]]

You decide to order a pepperoni pizza and place the order over the phone. What should you do until it arrives? [[Go back to studying.]] [[Start a Netflix show.]]

Even though your bank account would want otherwise, you tip the delivery man and feel good when he thanks you with a smile. //Wait, that smile looks familiar...// A sudden realization washes over you. This guy is your T.A.! Warmly, you tell him so and he laughs as he realizes the same. "I was just studying for the exam, actually," you say with a laugh. "Oh really? What a coincidence, huh?" He turns to leave, but backpedals after a brief moment of hesitation. With a smile, he says, "You wanna know the major topics for it?" Happiness bursts from your chest, and the smile that appears on your face is a bright light in the darkness of the night. "Really?" "Yeah, why not? His class is pretty hard anyway." [[Thank him.]] [[Thank him, but reject kindly.]]

Knowing money is pretty tight at the moment, you say goodbye to him and close the door, but not before you see the angry look on his face. A guilty pang settles in your stomach. //Well, I won't see him again anyway.// While eating and watching some Youtube videos, you receive a call. Glancing at the caller ID, you see it's Kat, a new friend in your class. Do you answer? [[No, I have to get back to studying.]] [[Yes, you're curious why she's calling so late.]]

After talking with your T.A., you close the door and lean on it in disbelief of what happened. //I actually know what to study. I actually know what to study!// You go back to your spot on the couch and place the pizza on the table in front you. Taking slice and biting into the warm crust, you can't help but smile as you chew. You find a youtube video to watch and relax, something you haven't allowed yourself to do since exam week started. After you finish eating and clean up, you surprisingly feel excited to study. Knowing what's going to be on the exam allows your nervousness to wane. You turn on some music and softly sing along as you read your textbook. You feel motivated. You feel determined. //I'm gonna ace this.// [[Study all the topics.]]

You continue to study for half an hour before you wait for the pizza guy outside. Grabbing the pizza out of the delivery boy's hands, you thank him. Do you tip him? [[Yes!]] [[No...]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

The idea of studying again brings a lull of exhaustion over you. As you stare at the TV in front of you, you think to yourself: //I've been meaning to start this one show for a while... I guess on episode one hurt. Plus, I've been studying nonstop this week. I could use a laugh.// After an episode, the pizza arrives. From what you've seen so far, the show's really good. Do you continue watching? [[Yes, of course.]] [[Just one more episode.]]

You know that letting the "next episode" bar fill up isn't the best thing to do, but internally there is little resistance. You watch the show as you eat your pepperoni pizza and laugh softly at the funny moments. The exam escapes your thoughts with each episode, as does the tension that's been tightly wound throughout your body. After a few more episodes, you look at your phone and see it's almost 2am. Oddly enough, this doesn't worry you as much as it usually would. You actually feel motivated to continue studying so you can pass this class and get back to watching the show. Clearing the table of crumbs and turning off the TV, you put on your headphones and let your music lull you back into your studying. [[The Next Day...]]

You watch another episode as you eat your pizza. As you laugh at a part in the show, disappointment sets in as you realize you'll have to pull away from this small moment of joy to go back to relearning exam material you don't even care for. //Aren't I supposed to like classes in my major? Aren't I supposed to be doing the best in the subject I went to school for?// //I thought these were supposed to be the best years of my life. When does the "best" kick in?// //I can't wait to be finished with this semester so I can just relax.// Well, throwing a pity party now won't solve anything; you have an exam to pass. Clearing the table of crumbs and turning off the TV, you sigh deeply as you place the textbook back on your lap. [[Going back to the grind.]]

Something about playing a classic game makes you nostalgic and eases your nerves. The mindless screen-tapping clears your mind, wiping the tension away in your face. It's a nice distraction from the intense reading you did earlier. After five long games, feel relaxed enough to start studying again. But, just when you start to reach for your textbook, your phone rings. It's your friend Brian from high school. Do you answer? [[No, you should get back to work.]] [[Yes. You're curious why he's calling so late.]]

You've heard of Among Us from your friends but haven't had the chance to play for yourself. Pressing play, you enter this game of full of mystery, detective work, and betrayal. You love it. It's addicting with its short rounds of fun that make you believe you haven't played long, when you have. You glance at the clock on the wall and see it's been thirty minutes. //I should probably get back to work.// But somehow, your finger taps 'continue' for the next round. Each time you reach the end of the round, you think //This is the last time// and feel a inward pull to go back to studying. But an even stronger pull compels you to keep playing. Your eyes start to dry and blur from screen exhaustion. But this is the first real fun you've had since exam week started. //I deserve this. I've earned this. I'll work and play hard.// At 3am, your phone dies. [[It's 3am??]] [[Oh no.]]

An audible gasp resonates throughout your silent room. In a panic, as you plug your phone into the charger, thoughts spew in your mind. //Nononnonononnonoooo.// //I should've set an alarm or something- a timer!// //Why did I play that game????// //What do I do, what do I do?// What //will// you do? [[Study until your exam.]] [[Go to sleep and hope for the best.]]

Your deep sigh echoes in the silence of your room. Plugging in your phone, a guilty pang settles in your stomach and angry thoughts spout in your mind. //Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.// //I shouldn't have done that. I should've stopped. Why didn't I stop?// //What am I doing? This class is so important for my major.// //I need to pass. I need to pass. Why do I do this to myself?// What will you do now? [[Study until your exam.]] [[Go to sleep and hope for the best.]]

In a hurry, you grab your textbook and your laptop and start studying where you left off. The information you read before seems like you learned them ages ago, and the stuff you're reading now is somehow more foggy. You grind until 6:30am, furiously flipping pages, taking Quizlet tests, and repeating and repeating and repeating to yourself facts that you have to know, facts that need to know to get a good grade. //cause that's all this is for, right? some grade. it's all about the grades. why does it even matter.// At 6:30am, you get dressed. In the mirror you wipe your face with a wet cloth, smoothing it over your furrowed brows, the bags under your eyes, and your chapped lips, red and bitten from anxiousness. After walking to your class, you sit down at a desk and review the textbook one last time. When your professor and TA pass out the exams, your leg starts to bounce under your desk. Your pen toggles between your fingers. As the stapled test settles in front of you, you sigh deeply and write your name. //Let's get this over with.// [[Take your exam.]]

Opening your textbook, you hurriedly try to read to make up for past time. But as your eyes move from line to line, it gets harder and harder to keep them open and find the energy to process what you're reading. After wiping your eyes a few times, a wave of exhaustion hits you. //Wish I was this tired when playing Among Us.// With a deep sigh, you decide to give up and go to bed. There's no point of trying to learn in the state you're in. Moving on autopilot, you put away your things, set an alarm for the exam, and hit the bed. Three and a half hours later, you quickly turn off your alarm to escape the irritating sound. You feel groggy and can feel a headache brewing. Soon after, you walk out of your dorm into the darkness of the early morning, the sound of your feet dragging the disturbing the quiet in the air. Your heart beats a little faster the closer you get to the exam room. //Maybe I should've studied more.// [[Take the exam.]]

You got a B-! A laugh of disbelief escapes your mouth. //I didn't fail! I didn't fail! YES!// But as you look at the grade and smile, you can't help but think to yourself: //Who knows what grade I would've gotten if I hadn't gotten so distracted?//

You... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . failed. You failed.

"I'm okay, but thank you though," you say, but the uneasy feeling in your stomach tells another story. "Alright, if you say so. Good luck!" You close the door after both of you say goodbye and lean on it in disbelief of what happened. You anxiously bite your lip as you place the pizza box on the table and sit back on your spot on the couch. Taking slice and biting into the warm crust, your anxiety doesn't leave you as you think over the decision in your head. //I can do it on my own... at least I think so.// Quickly, you find a YouTube video to watch and try to relax, though it's a bit unsuccessful. After you finish eating and clean up, you sigh heavily as you turn on some calming music. Opening your textbook, you slowly go back to taking notes. //I can do it on my own.// You think more assertively. [[Doing it on your own.]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

After studying for a few hours, you decide to head to bed, exhausted but happy with what you know. You wake up right before you exam time and race across campus to make it in time (How could you forget to set an alarm?!). After the exam, you feel tired, but happy you were able to understand all of the questions. You wave at the TA before leaving the class.

Feeling pretty confident with what you know

How much longer should you study for? [[Just another hour or so.]] [[Study until 3am. You need to pass.]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

You passed! Phew!

//Stay focused. I have to stay focused.// Though you do wonder why Brian called... Shaking your head to clear the thought, you open back up your textbook and get back to studying. //I have to pass. I have to pass.// . . . . . After studying for a few hours, uninterrupted, you decide to call it a night. You've studied in total for eight hours and feel pretty good about what you know. Heading to bed, you think about how the night went. //Man, am I boring.// [[Exam Day]]

"Hello?" "Hey!" Brian nervously laughs. "Sorry I'm calling so late, but I was staying up, cramming for this exam I have tomorrow, and it randomly made me think of when we used to study together before the AP exams." You laugh. . . . . Talking to Brian about high school brings back memories that you haven't thought of in a while. Talking to someone about the stupid things you did together is always such great time machine, making you reflect on how much you've changed and grown. Your stress about the exam escapes your mind throughout the conversation as you smile, laugh, and think of good times with Brian. It's nice. You guys chat for an hour before getting back to how the call started. "Hey, since we're both trying to study, do you wanna get on Zoom and study together?" Brian hesitantly asks. Do you? [[Studying with someone might get distracting...]] [[Of course!]]

//Stay focused. I have to stay focused.// Though you do wonder why Kat called... Shaking your head to clear the thought, you open back up your textbook and get back to studying. //I have to pass. I have to pass.// You anxiously bite your lip as you place the pizza box on the table and sit back on your spot on the couch. Taking slice and biting into the warm crust, your anxiouness doesn't leave you as you run back and forth your decision in your head. //I can do it on my own... at least I think so.// You find a youtube video to watch and try to relax, though it's a bit unsuccessful. After you finish eating and clean up, you sigh heavily as you turn on some calming music. Opening your textbook, you slowly go back to taking notes. //I can do it on my own.// You think more assertively. How much longer do you study for?

Kat is so glad you called. She's just done a study marathon too. You two vent to each other about horrible professors, tedious exams, and overall exhaustion. After talking for an hour, Kat says she has to get back to studying for her exam. Do you... [[offer to study together over the phone.]] [[get back to studying yourself.]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

Leaving the exam room is both freeing and nerve-wracking. You were confident about most of the answers you put, but the others were shots in the dark. As the warm air hits your face, you allow a small smile to show your face. //I finished. I'm done. FINALLY.// Your brows furrow. . . . . . . . . . . //...but did I pass?// [[See your grade.]]

Of course you got an A! Great job! //Maybe I should talk to my TA more often...//

Leaving the exam room is both freeing and nerve-wracking. You were confident about half of the answers you put, but the other half were shots in the dark. As the warm air hits your face, you allow a small smile to show your face. //I finished. I'm done. FINALLY.// Your brows furrow. . . . . . . . . . . //...but did I pass?// [[Open your grade.]]

Knowing how you are with distractions, you gently decline Brian's offer. The feeling of regret grows as you both say goodbye on the promise to catch up again soon. When you end the call, the silence of your room becomes a deafening contrast to the steady conversation from before. Sighing, you turn on some music and open your textbook. Slowly, you get into the groove of studying again. Sometimes, though, a memory of your talk with Brian will sneak in your head and make you laugh. //I'm glad I answered.// [[Head to Bed]]

"Of course!" //I mean, how could I say no to that?// You and Brian, after setting up the zoom call, get into a steady groove of studying between occasional talking about random thoughts that pop into your heads. It makes studying less lonely and intense and more casual and easy. Sometimes you need those moments of chatting to just //breathe.// At around 3am, you both decide to head to bed, but not without the promise to hang out again soon. As your head hits the pillow, you can't help smiling about how fast the night changed. How stressed you were about the exam, to playing Tetris, to talking with someone you haven't in a while. Of course, you're still stressed about the exam, but it's the little things that made that anxiousness lessen along the way. [[The Next Day]]

After studying for a few hours, you head to bed, exhausted but happy with what you know. However, your mind won't let you go to sleep. It's like your anxiety keeps wracking your brain, forcing you to stay up and think about every possibility. //What if I don't pass?// //I can't fail, this is class is too important.// //Why can't I just SLEEP! What is wrong with me?!// . . . . . . . . //Fuck it, I'm watching Netflix.// [[The Next Morning]]

//I'll call her back after the exam.// Though you do wonder why Kat called... Shaking your head to clear the thought, you open back up your textbook and get back to studying. //I have to pass. I have to pass.// After you finish eating and clean up, you sigh heavily as you turn on some calming music. Opening your textbook, you slowly go back to taking notes. How much longer do you study for?

Because you know the main topics on the exam, studying becomes less of an unsurmountable task and more of a check list of what you need to know. After three hours, you happily go to bed, excited for the exam. //Man, I'm so glad I tipped.// [[Get your grade.]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

Leaving the exam room is so freeing. As the warm air hits your face, you allow a small smile to show on your face. During the exam, you were amazed about how much you knew. //I finished. I'm done. FINALLY.// But even though the exam came easy, you can't help but think: . . . . . . . . . . . //...but did I pass?// [[Your Grade.]]

You got a B+! Good job!

Needless to say, you didn't get much sleep last night. After falling asleep on the fourth hour-long episode you watched, you woke up disoriented and groggy. When seeing it was 6:50am, you furiously got dressed and raced across campus to make it in time. You sat at the desk, out of breath and sweaty, as your TA passed out the exams. Leaving the exam room had you feeling so many things: exhaustion, satisfaction, and nervousness. //Did I pass?// [[See if you did.]]

You got a B! Phew!

Waking up, you feel good, well-rested. When you walk into the exam room, your nerves start to show in your twitching hands. But looking at the stapled packet in front of you has you feeling ready. //This is what I prepared for. I can do this.// With a deep breath, you begin. . . . . . . . [[The Grade.]]

You passed!

You study until 3am. Your eyes burn, and the textbook you've been reading has started to look like alphabet soup, but at least you feel a little bit more confident about the exam. You move on autopilot as clean up and head to bed. "Man, this better be worth it," was your last thought before falling asleep. [[Wake up.]]

Uh, how rude. Go back and tip.

Waking up, you feel groggy but surprisingly looking forward to the exam. //More like looking forward to Netflix afterward...// You get dressed and study a bit before leaving your dorm, letting the early morning chill be an excuse for the anxious twitching of your fingers. As you walk into the exam room, you start to feel more confident. You sit at your desk and look the white paper in front of you. //Let's do this.// . . . . . . [[What You've Been Waiting For.]]

You got an A! Great job!

//I should've just said yes.// You think after studying for three hours. Deciding to head to bed, you sigh deeply and put your stuff away. There's nothing you can about it now. Only move forward. . . . . . . [[The Grade of the Century.]]

You got an A-! See, it was all in you!